This week’s assignment in my Stagen Integral Leadership Program had me read and reflect on The Power of TED, a fable by David Emerald about the Drama Triangle and making the shift to The Empowerment Dynamic. In the words of my sister, “Charlie, is this a self-help book?”
Well, yes, I guess it is.
However, never in my life had I read a book (well, I listened to it on Audible) and felt more in tune with its message and the urgency to reset my approach to ALL interactions with others. Moving myself away from being a slave to a scenario or interaction and, instead, controlling my emotional response and directing the way that scenario and interaction moves me towards my long-term goals is a transformational way of navigating life. I am so eager to try new ways to leverage this knowledge.
The Power of FISBe
While there are multiple things to explain in regard to The Power of TED, the more provocative concept to me is in the construct FISBe, which stands for
- Focus, or point-of-view in the face of a condition, interaction, or scenario.
- Inner State, or the way your emotions are triggered as a result of your point-of-view. How you receive input thus dictates how you feel in the moment.
- Behavior, or the way you act as a result of the first two components of FISB.
The construct of FISBe needs to be my lighthouse. How I feel throughout the day can be traced directly to the the way I perceive a scenario. Case in point, I have a colleague who is excellent about challenging ideas of others and seeing the entire scenario in a way that I cannot. She is polite yet direct, and I am so grateful for her skill set. At times, I perceive her challenges as abrasive…but that is my perception, not her intention. Yet when I do feel this way, my inner state shifts. I get a ball of tension in my stomach and I consider how I can respond to her to “win at being right,” which does nothing for our team dynamic. She and I are on the same page; she is just better at bringing to light potential pitfalls and limitations with my own, gloriously flawed ideas.
Should I change my point of view and focus on what she is bringing to the conversation to be the incredible value that it is, I can in turn adjust that ball of tension. The key is recognizing when that tension arises I need to go upstream and consider ways to change my focus. With that change will arise better behavior. It’s almost as if I changing the tracks on the train that leads to my behavior – and realigning those tracks to a better alternative.